Things I wish I’d known in the early days of divorce/ separation
No matter who made the decision to call time on a relationship, for both parties the
early days of separation and/or divorce can be brutal.
Your life as you knew it, and the future you’d envisaged have suddenly gone up in flames, and with that comes bucketloads of emotions and fear.
If this is where you are in life right now, I thought I’d share a few things that really helped me to navigate this phase (and some other things I wish I’d known back then!).
1. Try not to suppress your emotions – however messy
Know that it’s ok to feel whatever feelings are coming up. Putting on a brave front and hiding how you really feel never works for long, and let’s face it, suppressing strong emotions is simply bloody exhausting, so do yourself a favour and honour your emotions however uncomfortable they may be.
TIP: If you feel you need to suppress your emotions in order to function at work or in front of your kids, allow yourself some time every day to let the emotions out when you’re on your own. Maybe set a timer for 15 minutes and allow yourself to cry, rage, yell – whatever feels most appropriate.
2. Don’t try to weather this on your own
As someone who tried to do this for too long on her own, I cannot stress how important it is to find support! Find a safe supportive space where you can be vulnerable and express your greatest fears, and your messiest emotions. Choose a willing confidante, whether that’s a friend or family member, an online support group, therapist or a coach, but preferably someone who has experienced this themselves. Validating your experience and the pain you’re feeling is an incredibly important part of your healing.
3. Give yourself the love that you are no longer receiving
Isn’t it crazy that when we feel unloved, we often perpetuate that feeling by neglecting ourselves? Instead, try to make loving yourself a priority. Whether that’s by moving your body every day – even if it’s just for a walk outside, a yoga class or some other activity you love – or prioritising your self-care by ensuring you have a shower and put on clean clothes. These simple acts reinforce that we are worthy of love.
However unloved or unloveable you feel right now, remember that you deserve love, and that starts with you!
4. The power of gratitude
With all the stress hormones that break-up releases swirling around in our systems, it’s so important to take some time in your day to increase your feel good hormones. A simple gratitude practice can do just this.
Take a moment to think of 3 things that you are grateful for – I used to do this at night when I got into bed – and really tap into how the experience or thing you’re grateful for, feels in your body. It can be as simple as, ‘I am grateful that I get to sleep in a warm comfortable bed’, and feel your body release dopamine into your system – the ultimate feel good hormone.
5. Remember this won’t last forever
You may feel like your world has fallen apart, but know that this feeling won’t last forever. As you weather the storm of divorce, try to take each moment as it comes, by finding ways to be in the present moment, rather than focusing on all the what-ifs. The aim is to shift your focus from your busy mind into your body, and movement is a great way to do this. Hot yoga was my saving grace – the challenge of the heat and the postures meant I could only focus on what I was doing for that hour – and I definitely left the class feeling in a better place mentally and physically. Meditation, running or a gym workout can all do the same. Find your go-to mood shifter.
For more tips on how to navigate divorce, why not check out my Instagram or book yourself a FREE Divorce Done Differently Breakthrough Session with me. I look forward to connecting! x
